Hello. It’s me again.

The link for the video in the last post was incorrect, #amirite?

Try this out, ok peeps? https://dashthedachshund.com/

Hello. It’s me!

I know, trouble.

That house with the car in the driveway has been vacant for three months. And now out of nowhere there’s a moving truck there and two cars at times in the driveway and some guy lying on his back assembling something from IKEA or whatever. No matter how you slice it, I’ve gotta keep an eye on the situation. Somebody must remain vigilant, #amirite?

I suppose the day got off on the wrong foot when Dad sampled a playlist on Spotify and this came up.

I don’t trust an album named “Chupacabra”.

Nor should you.

However, the day turned nice when my neighbor Leigan stopped by. You’ll have to visit my website (https://wordpress.com) to see the video if you are reading via email, but it is worth it to watch my tail sing with joy!

Maybe Leigan could help me monitor the new home owners across the street … at least that way I’d have company if a chupacabra happened to stroll by …

Hello. It’s me!!

Mom wanted to do some quilting at a multi-day session, so off to Temecula, California we went for a week of fun.

Dad and I did the “man” thing. He worked, I worked over crunchables, #amirite?

There were times I was left in the RV by myself … those were not times I enjoyed.

For several days, the RV had a problem. Water pressure from the city connection was TOO STRONG … so strong that it blew through the pressure regulator, then blew through the check value in the water pump, and then continually overflowed the fresh water tank. Yeah, that’s not a good thing.

So on Tuesday afternoon Dad told me we were driving toward Escondido to visit Camping World.

Skeptical that we’d have fun, I elected to embark on the mission. After stopping at Camping World, Dad promised to take me down to the ocean. Off to Oceanside / Carlsbad we went.

We parked the RV. I asked Dad if we could head down to the beach? He said YES!!

That’s where we ran into trouble.

Turns out Oceanside and Carlsbad don’t think much of me. So I was relegated to the passenger seat for the duration of our visit, which as it turned out wasn’t very long.

While I enjoyed my trip, I did not enjoy the discrimination I faced along the way. Fortunately, I was welcomed back by Arizona’s warm, dry, loving arms.

Hello. It’s me!

The week started with a scratchy butt and ended with a tickling tummy.

Dad took me to the vet twice because I spent the better part of a day spinning on my butt like a top, trying to reach it with my mouth in an effort to quell what was likely an itchy hind quarters. It appears I am allergic to something, maybe all of the pollinating plants and cacti in the neighborhood. It was nothing that three Benadryl a day couldn’t sooth, #amirite?

That’s where the good news ended.

You’d think that a one pound weight loss over the past six weeks would please the powers that be, but you’d be wrong. My vet, who ably probed my rear end inside and out (and I mean that quite literally) said that I need to lose a few more pounds. And while I’m not a fan of this …

… I’m even less a fan of one can of calorie-controlled slop coupled with two pieces of turkey jerky and a dozen blueberries a day. 386 calories a day. That’s it.

That’s not living.

So when the UPS driver arrived at 4:30pm today I evaded Mom’s restrictive arms, bolted for the delivery truck, and begged the driver for a snack. The driver delivered!

There’s fifty calories that nobody is getting back … wait, did I hear Dad say he’s cutting back my dinner because of the bonus bone?

Really?

Seriously?

Seriously?

There are five threats that I now monitor.

• Real
• Perceived
• Rusted Metals
• Chupacabra
• Lack of Food.

Hello. It’s me!

That was taken a few days ago, when it was warm and calm.

Today was hot and breezy … mid 90s and with bombogenesis in the air (i.e. tomorrow’s Great Plains and Upper Midwest blizzard). Desert winds howled across our flat terrain. It was something to behold … as long as you were indoors.

Now, I don’t want any photo evidence of the event, but lemme tell you, I tried to perform my outside duties in a west to east fashion this evening, and the results were highly unsatisfactory! This potent blower stuffed super-heated forty mile per hour winds in the general direction of my hind quarters. I thought only politicians knew what it felt like to have hot air in that general area, but now I know different, #amirite?

Regardless, the jet stream jettisoned us a sampling of pleasant parting shots late this afternoon.

Our ten week parade of guests ended on Sunday. Recent days have me lying by the Casita, hoping for somebody to emerge.

When the winds calm down, Mom and Dad tell me they’re going to play more pickleball. And while I’m supportive of their endeavors, sometimes I feel like I’m not the only one lamenting their decision.

That being said, I’d prefer they abandon me for pickleball than have them force me to walk during a potent blower.

Hello.

It’s me.

I don’t know about you, but I spend an awful lot of time trying to be a loyal companion. It’s not like I can drive to Safeway, or the gas station, or even the Arizona Lung, Sleep and Valley Fever Institute. I’m here, and I’m loyal.

In return, I ask for a bit of reciprocity.

Instead Mom and Dad have been enjoying an active lifestyle. Maybe it was a decade of being trapped on an island, I don’t know, but lately they’re sampling all that life has to offer.

Take last night, for instance. They spent the whole night at a P!nk Concert in Glendale.

Apparently Pink (who spells her name with an exclamation point … P!nk … must have flunked third grade, darn charter schools) is some sort of singer with an 18 year catalog of pop hits coupled with an innate ability to perform Vegas-style gymnastics four stories above the ground.

Meanwhile I sit at home.

Boring and unfair.

And when they are at home, Mom and Dad are busy. Dad spent tonight making pizza sauce for his new pizza oven. Am I part of the story? Hint – I’m not included … I’m relegated to a blueberry diet.

Then Dad spent the afternoon messing with the RV batteries – looks like the place where they bought the batteries nuked the new batteries and caused a whole bunch of issues that caused the neighborhood to have a smelly metallic odor. Lemme tell you pups, neighbors don’t like a smelly metallic odor, #amirite?

All I ask is for food, drink, potty & waste breaks. And undying love and company. That’s all. Instead I get an existence where I’m only paid attention to something like thirteen or fourteen hours a day.

Hello. It’s me!!!

It’s been awhile, #amirite?

Mom and Dad have been inundated with springtime guests and springtime activities.

Either I spend days alone, or I’m swamped with friends … like my favorite one wearing the ASU hat. When I see her I vacate my bladder all over the floor. Is that embarrassing? Yup. Do I have control over my delight when I see her? Absolutely not.

If I’m lucky, Mom will come home from one of her many activities and bring me something to enjoy.

After a long, comparatively cold, and somewhat rainy winter, we’ve flipped the script to late Spring and temps approaching 90 degrees already. This means that Dad is taking me for golf cart rides. All I’ve got to do is give him the look …

… and next thing you know he finds me green grass.

In a few weeks our last guests of the spring arrive (my dear friend Frank, who has been known to use my tummy as a trampoline … oooooof), and then we take a few weeks off before heading out in the RV for a bit of fun.

P.S.: Catch this … while I’m still down a half-pound from last year, I haven’t made enough progress. So my vet is forcing Dad to eliminate treats … well, I take that back. I have to swap out my typical dog treats for … wait for it … wait for it … BLUEBERRIES!! No, not the type you’d enjoy in a cobbler or crisp or slump, caked in sugar … but the real thing … actual blueberries. And I LOVE ‘EM!!

Hello. It’s me!

They’re crawling out of the woodwork … tourists, or as I call them … “Threats”. We have for categories for threats.

• Real.
• Perceived.
• Rusted Metal.
• Chupacabra.

Tourists are real, and therefore they are classified as “Real” threats.

I like to set up my post at the confluence of local streets that connect to a major arterial. It’s not like I have a choice, this is where I live after all and this is the only place Dad will allow me to monitor threats without the restrictive limitations of a leash.

Wait … is something there?? Chupacabra? Airborne rusted metals?

It’s important to monitor all possible directions … to the north …

… to the East where the wide open and largely unprotected arterial exists …

… and to the South, where just about anything can suddenly appear from behind the house.

On a glorious Winter morning, I didn’t identify a single threat. That doesn’t mean that the threats weren’t out there … it just means I didn’t identify any. Was I frustrated? Absolutely. Pixelated? Sure!

But the day is coming, oh yes, mark my words, the day is coming when a tourist (threat) presents real issues … and when that happens, I’ll be on the job, first to alert my peeps of the potential for danger.

Hello!! It’s me.

These are odd times … temperatures around 65-72 every day. Mom and Dad like to spend time in their spa. I’m left to spend time watching them.

Sometimes you just want to do something … anything. So when Mom asked me to go to a quilt show with her, I’m like, “I’m in!!”

Mom was busy quilting, so Dad and I decided to survey the grounds … check out the pups, if you catch my drift.

And then, just then, I see one of “those vehicles”.

Those vehicles contain one of two things …

1. Packages for Mom.
2. Treats for Me!!

If “Treats for Me” is an option, one must pursue the dream, #amirite?

I asked Dad … can I pursue the dream?

The answer?

YES!!

Unfortunately, the building entrance closed just after the FedEx delivery employee entered the building. This seems to happen a lot to me.

So I waited … and waited … and then, just when I was about to give up on the dream, he reappeared.

… but alas … no treat.

So I’ll wait until next time … eventually the right employee will exit the truck with the right treat … for me! After all, those vehicles are everywhere.

Hello! It’s me again!

That’s what happened after somebody yelled outside and neighborhood dogs started barking … I decided to MONITOR the situation.

Meanwhile, my full-on sister (Autumn … cream-colored litter mate on the left) and Amelia (half-sister) recently earned honors at the International Show. I’m eating carrots and peas like some kind of fool and they’re garnering real recognition.