Hello! It’s me.

Christmas.

It’s confusing to be honest … spend time with family but be sure to social distance yourself from family.

I don’t know about you, but when Dad goes around the TV dial all I see are Christmas movies from Hallmark and those who seek to copy Hallmark. “Gingerbread Miracle” or “Nantucket Noel” or “The Nine Kittens of Christmas” run nearly non-stop for two months (not counting non-stop airings during Christmas in July).

It leads one to wonder … why don’t I have my own Christmas movie?

Obviously, it would be called “Dashing Through The Snow”. That’s not up for debate.

The protagonist would be somebody named Melody. She was a marketing executive at a global firm in Downtown Chicago, but quit her job after her Dad (Ed) passed away from COVID. She moved to Lone Rock, WI to help her Mom run the family Christmas Tree farm. The transition from digital marketing to tree shearing has been hard on Melody.

Bad news just keeps following Melody around town. Her high school sweetheart, Owen, is now the Mayor of Lone Rock, and apparently he wants to shut down the family Christmas Tree farm because the family forgot to submit permits for additional tree lots north of town. Things fell through the cracks when Dad died, regrettably. During a secret santa exchange at the Keg and Kettle Bar and Grill, Owen tells Melody that if the paperwork for the permitting process isn’t completed by December 23 at 11:59pm, the family will immediately be kicked off of the Christmas Tree farm. Nobody understands why Owen is being so cruel, but with a 70% approval rating and a pro-business platform, it becomes obvious Owen has a plan up his sleeve for the Christmas Tree farm.

Melody learns of the plan the next morning while walking at Garrison Park with her high school friend, Jenna. Jenna is the county clerk, and Jenna heard that Walmart wants to build a Sam’s Club on the site of the Christmas Tree farm. Jenna looked at county records, and realized that the family doesn’t actually own their property, but instead they have a lease on the property that can be revoked if proper paperwork isn’t filed for expansion efforts.

The turn of events sends Melody and her Mom (Mary) into a state of depression. With only twelve hours to submit the proper paperwork for their proposed business expansion, it seems unlikely they will be able to keep their treasured family Christmas Tree farm. Where will they find a Lawyer capable of helping file the proper paperwork?

Melody decides to take a walk outside to clear her head. Snow flurries are falling, and there is a chill in the air that even her hot chocolate cannot penetrate. As she walks on Forest St., she notices a Mercedes with a flat tire. A handsome male is standing alongside the car, holding a leash tethered to a doxie named Dash (hint – that’s me). The man introduces himself as Evan, and he knows nothing about how to change a tire. We believe Evan, as his jacket alone appears to cost close to $2,000.

Melody begins to change the tire, and Evan’s dog (Dash, that’s me) immediately falls in love with Melody, lathering Melody with kisses.

Struggling with the lug nuts, Melody asks Evan what he is doing in Lone Rock? Evan confides that he is just passing through town on his way from Chicago to St. Paul to argue a case in court defending a business owner who was about to lose his bodega due to a leasing issue.

Wow, what a coincidence!

Melody explain her own conundrum, and asks Evan if he could help? Evan articulates that he needs to be in St. Paul in the morning. With snow falling harder and harder, Melody offers to feed Evan a Friday Night Fish Fry. Evan and Dash accept the invitation, as Evan feels a sense of obligation toward Melody given she changed his tire for him.

Melody’s Mom (Mary) deep fries some walleye while keeping a keen eye on Evan and Melody. Between discussions of their favorite stops in Chicago, Melody explains to Evan the problems associated with the paperwork to maintain the family lease of the Christmas Tree farm.

Meanwhile, a light snowfall has now become a raging blizzard. A radio broadcast announces a Winter Storm Warning, with 8-14 inches of snow expected.

As Evan thumbs through the paperwork associated with the lease, he realizes that he is up against severe time constraints. Evan races through documents, properly dotting i’s and crossing t’s until everything is set and proper. With a belly full of walleye (yes, Melody’s Mom, Mary, snuck some walleye to me as well), Melody, Evan and I get in Evan’s Mercedes and head to City Hall.

One problem.

A check engine light comes on.

The car sputters to a stop.

It is 11:48pm.

We get out of the car, frantic. As we begin running to the Mayor’s Office, Evan clumsily drops the papers. Blizzard-like conditions blow the papers down the street.

This is where the story gets interesting.

I (Dash) sneak out of my leash, run down the papers, put the papers in my mouth, and lead the charge to the Mayor’s Office, dashing through the snow. The cinematographer zooms in on me running at a full sprint, with paperwork in my mouth. I imagine that viewers all across America enthusiastically cheer my efforts.

We deliver the paperwork at precisely 11:57pm with Evan and Melody in tow. For reasons unknown, the Mayor (Owen) is in his office moments before midnight. Resentfully, Owen has no choice other than to acknowledge that the proper paperwork has been submitted, the permitting process for the additional lot may go ahead, and the family may stay on the Christmas Tree farm. Evan and Melody bath me in love, knowing I saved Christmas … and the family Christmas Tree farm.

The movie fast forwards to Christmas Eve, where Mary and Melody prepare to light the Christmas Tree at Fireman’s Park in Lone Rock. Perry Como sings in the background. Hot chocolates abound. And off in the distance, we see a tall, handsome, and muscular figure wearing a $2,000 coat. It is Evan and his beloved doxie Dash (that’s me). We are dashing through the snow, running toward Mary and Melody. Evan and Melody embrace while Mary squeezes Dash (that’s me). Mary reaches in her pocket and gives Dash (that’s me) a crunchable. She looks up approvingly at Evan and Melody as they communicate via eyes twinkling.

No words are needed to convey what they feel.

Carolers begin to sing Jingle Bells.

Mary may have lost her husband to COVID, but she may eventually gain a son-in-law as a result. And a doxie.

That, dear readers, is how a Hallmark Movie called “Dashing Through The Snow” would be portrayed. There is no doubt I’d be able to play the lead role in the movie.