Social Distancing Awards!!

Hello. It’s me!!

Yeah, that’s me, keeping my distance from everybody, trying to avoid spreading COVID. It’s the loneliest job imaginable. I mean, look at me, sittin’ on the sidewalk like some kind of loser while half of the world is eating at Senor Taco and shopping for Christmas gifts in malls. They’re out there having fun … and I’m doing nothing and getting no credit for my effort.

I thought we were all in this together? Maybe the marketing folks didn’t really mean that.

But last week something AMAZING happened. Mom and Dad took me for a ride to see … wait for it … wait for it … GRANDMA and GRANDPA!! I browsed their rental unit with unabashed zeal, scanning the grounds for threats … again, socially distanced in an effort to protect Grandma and Grandpa.

Yeah, that’s a two-fer right there … ducks and a crazy hose. I categorized the threats as “perceived”, allowing the festivities to continue unfettered.

Here’s where things got interesting.

Grandma decided that I deserved an award for nine months of impeccable social distancing. The awards ceremony was unprecedented, albeit not livestreamed.

I didn’t just get one beaded necklace. I was awarded a SERIES of beaded necklaces. One by one, I was honored for protecting essential workers, neighbors, and the family unit.

The weight of the world just rolled off my shoulders. Well, that’s not true. I traded the weight of the world for the weight of the necklaces, but you know what I mean.

I felt as proud as I’ve ever been.

I just wonder … would the spread of COVID be reduced if everybody were awarded beaded necklaces? I know, I know, the data suggests otherwise, with what happened on Bourbon Street in New Orleans last Spring and all, but nevertheless it’s something to think about. Maybe we all just need to be recognized somehow for all of the good we tried to do in 2020, #amirite? With a vaccine coming in the first six months of 2021 (sooner if you know somebody of influence and have a couple of Gs to spare), we don’t have that much longer to sit by ourselves and wait out the end of this thing. A reward would sure help us get through the final stretch, the kind of reward I earned from Grandma last week.

I now know I have the strength to continue my efforts at Social Distancing.