Know Your Options

Hello. It’s me.

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Yes, I’m corked off.

Here’s the 411. Dad unilaterally decides that today is BATH DAY. Have you ever been put through one of these experience? You’re dumped into a tub of tepid water while Dad applies a disgusting mix of soap and fragrance to your fur. When the experience ends (and it’s a horribly long, virtually endless 300 seconds, #amirite?), Dad goes through the motions, drying the moisture on my fur by about 25%.

During a bath, I try to go to a special, private place way, WAY back in the recesses of my Beautiful Mind. It was there, in the recesses of my Beautiful Mind that I realized that I had options.

Option #1: Obediently leave the tub area and wait for the evaporative magic of the desert to dry me into a cleansed state.

Option #2: Remember that construction workers removed a support beam out of the back yard and replaced the travertine with sand … sand that will be replaced by travertine tomorrow.

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I selected option #2.

Within 30 seconds of the end of my bath, I coated my entire body in a grainy melange of sand and dirt … materials that adhere to moist fur, if I may be so bold.

It’s so important that you know all of your options.

I only pre-thought one of my options, and that option came with consequences.

Dad introduced a new option to me … an option called the “Bonus Bath”. All of the delightful grains of sand were removed from my previously soapy fur.

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This left me with few options.

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Vigilant

Hello. It’s me!!

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That’s a nice snap that Dad took … until you zoom in a bit and see what I was up to.

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Now, you’re “prolly” asking yourself why I’d go to the back yard water bowl and partake in a belly-busting quenchable, #amirite?

Well, it comes down to this … each morning I’m busy evaluating threats, and that kind of work makes one thirsty.

You remember the four main categories of threats, don’t you?

  1. Real.
  2. Perceived.
  3. Rusted Metals.
  4. Chupacabra.

Each morning it is my job to evaluate threats. I like to go outside, sit at the confluentia of three arterials, and just see what is going on. Please visit the website (https://dashthedachshund.com/) to watch this video of me “doing my job” in the morning.

Critics say that I’ve yet to identify a credible threat.

My retort to their elucidation is simple … if I weren’t so vigilant, credible threats could arrive in large quantities. I mean, did you hear the golf cart in the background of the video? What if the array of 6-volt batteries powering the golf cart quietly discharged? Then what?

My neighborhood is safe because I do my job – I am resolute, and I am vigilant.

P.S.: Some sad news … my Mom recently passed away at the relatively young age of seven (7). Without Mom in my life, I’m likely to become even more vigilant … I’m the Leader of my family now and it’s critical that I evaluate each and every potential threat.

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A tiny version of me can be seen nuzzling with Mom above. This was in the “pre-crunchable” era of my life.

 

Christmas Is Coming …

Hello. It’s me!!

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You know Christmas is right around the corner when you feel that familiar chill in the air. Brrrrrr. We topped out at a paltry 60 degrees today.

Sixty (60).

That’s a frosty day, #amirite?

With cold and drizzly conditions in the offing, I spent a lot of time inside. I didn’t do much to help trim the tree, but rest assured, my contributions did not go unnoticed.

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Heck, Dad even did something he only did for one week last year … he turned the heat on today.

Of course, with Christmas coming and the heat on in the house … it’s time to think “big picture” …

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