Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!

Hello. It’s me!!

So Dad is out taking a walk (#hearthealthy) and he runs across this holy mess.

Dad says that the two women riding in the golf car pulled up to him seconds before he took the photo, and said, and I quote:

“You want us to pull you along by a leash, too? AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”

It’s like that Seinfeld episode where the Mandelbaum’s are trying to get Jerry in shape, so they tie him to his car and pull him, forcing him to run. Of course, Jerry met his demise when his car overheated days earlier, and Kramer was forced to put his own blood (previously stored in Jerry’s tupperware) in the radiator, causing the blood to drip on the floor board while Jerry was “exercising”. The Mandelbaum boys / greatly aged men became frightened, punching the accelerator and dragging Jerry for a considerable distance.

I only hope no blood drips on the floor board of that golf car.

P.S.: This is how a dog should be associated with a golf car.


Walleye Sliders

Hello! It’s me!

Can I take a moment and share with you some headlines from each of the past Wednesday afternoons?

December 30: The United States anticipates a major post New Year’s surge in Coronavirus cases and deaths following Christmas get-togethers. Deaths from the virus are expected to surge beyond 500,000 by the end of February.

January 6: Right-wing Terrorists storm the Capitol looking to hang the Republican Vice President and assassinate Democratic members in Congress. Many police officers were injured, one died. A handful of protesters died in the attack.

January 13: The President is impeached (again).

January 20: A new President takes office amid 25,000 troops.

January 27: A group of “retail investors” (i.e. non Wall St. types) collaborating on a message board (Reddit) help drive up the price of GameStop from about $10 in October to $347, causing Wall St. to lose their collective minds while financially harming short-sellers who bet on the brand to fail. Strong hint – Wall St. is not going to tolerate a group of “retail investors” collaborating on a message board to help drive up stock prices in the future.

Stock Tip: Keurig / Dr. Pepper (yes, that’s the name of the company). But don’t trust me. Do your own research.

It is any wonder humans are a bit on edge, and by association, pups, #amirite?

So today Dad decided to use all of the tools at his disposal to create a scrumptious lunch … an escape from reality … Walleye Sliders!!

Here’s the step-by-step process.

Step 1: Go to your freezer, and retrieve two frozen Walleye Fillets. Butcher Bob’s is a good place to go if you live in Maricopa County and don’t have an on-demand supply of Walleye in your home.

Step 2: Run the end (tip) of each fillet under cold water for about three seconds. Then take a pliers and pull the skin off of the fish. You will use your biceps in this process, meaning you get your share of daily exercise. We’re still waiting for Fitbit to record this level of physical exertion properly.

Step 3: Thaw fillets overnight.

Step 4: Cut fillets into slider-sized pieces with a sharp knife.

Step 5: Pull out a box of Kentucky Kernel Seasoned Flour. If it’s been around for 211 years, it’s good enough for Dad and I. Dad orders the flour in gross from Amazon because it is so hard to find in a grocery store during the pandemic.

Step 6: Wash fillets in cold water. Blot with a paper towel. Coat fillets with Kentucky Kernel Seasoned Flour.

Step 7: Dip fillets in an egg/milk or egg/water mixture.

Step 8: Reapply a second coat of Kentucky Kernel Seasoned Flour to the filets.

Step 9 (Hint, This Is Where It Gets Interesting). Set your NINJA FOODIE to Air Fry mode. Set fillets in the basket, spray tops of fillets with Pam spray. Fry for 8 minutes at 390 degrees.

Step 10: While the fillets are frying, prepare your slider buns. In our case, Mom supplied lettuce from her garden, Dad pulled out of the fridge a jar of Claussen Sandwich Pickles and a tub of mayo.

Step 11: After eight minutes, turn fillets over in the NINJA FRYER. Spray again with Pam spray. Cook for another 7(ish) minutes, until filets are flaky. Carefully balance over-cooking the filets with making sure they have a crisp outer crust.

Step 12: Select your favorite lunch beverage.

Step 13: Pull the Walleye Fillets from the fryer, and prepare for immediate serving. You don’t want the fillets to cool and not be #moist.

Yes, the fillets won’t look golden brown like they would in a oil-based deep fryer. The advantage is that you won’t ingest a quart of canola oil while consuming your meal. And the taste difference is negligible.

Step 14: Assemble the sandwiches.

In this case, the sliders are served with veggie straws.

Unfortunately, Dad had other ideas for my meal, ideas I rejected with extreme prejudice.

Dad waited until I consumed some of my lamb-based half-cannister of Caesar before finally teasing me with something tasty.

Notice that I rejected the veggie straw.

After supping on the table scrap, I realized that there are few things more yummy than a Walleye Slider crafted in a NINJA FOODIE.

Ok, your turn. What is your favorite out-of-the-ordinary meal that you’ve made during our ten-month hibernation from a deadly virus?

And Then The Graupel Hit

Hello. It’s me!

Yeah, that’s me these days. Just sittin’ there like a fool waiting until the vaccine is available for Mom & Dad (currently scheduled for sometime in mid-August 2023).

Since Mom & Dad don’t want to die at Applebees we don’t leave the house much. This means that I need something external, something outside of my control to create excitement.

Today was a day where external excitement was in abundance.

At about 1:00pm a Severe Thunderstorm rolled through the Valley. As an added bonus, the storm dropped a healthy dose of graupel on our parched desert landscape.

But that’s not even the most interesting aspect of the storm. The cold upper atmosphere was forced downward by the storm … and by about 2:00pm the temperature dipped to a frosty thirty-six (36) degrees.

That’s the coldest afternoon temperature ever recorded in Phoenix.

Dad’s a storm chaser, so he asked me if I wanted to go on a reconnaissance mission. Who wouldn’t want to investigate storm damage. If the choice is sitting in a plush bed or heading outside, I’m heading outside, #amirite?

My first job was to assess threats.

Now, if you are saying to yourself “Hey Dash, you look just a little bit thinner than usual”, you’d be right. Every day Dad serves me a microwaved bowl of peas and carrots (mixed with a dollop of butter and a drizzle of chicken stock or I won’t eat it). My collar is about to fall off of my neck. These are the salad days, so to speak.

Well, I found a threat.

I found a palm frond … this thing fell off a palm tree, descending via the aid of gravity and straight-line winds to the parking lot pavement below me.

Within seconds I applied my maxillae to the frond.

Dry and tasteless, I quickly abandoned the fallen soldier. I think I’d rather die of COVID after eating at Applebees than injest any more of the woody fragment pictured above.

That’s what passes for excitement these days, my dear pups.

Happy New Year!

Hello. It’s me!

In my household, the spotlight of the New Year is deservedly upon me, #amirite?

There is a MASH episode where, on New Year’s Eve, Colonel Sherman T. Potter says, and I quote “Here’s to the New Year. May she be a damn sight better than the old one, and may we all be home before she’s over.”

I’d like to adjust the quote for our modern times: “Here’s to the New Year. May she be a damn sight better than the old one, and may we all be allowed to leave home before she’s over.