Hello …. it’s ME!!

Lemon the cute bird knows how to pose like a pup, #amirite?

Lemon is just one of a veritable plethora of friends I’ve made over the past few weeks. I mean, life is like a bowl of kibble, you never know what you’re gonna get. Like this wee-little one.

I’m more than happy to be friends with tiny critters … if it weren’t for the fact that this tiny one encased herself in protective glass, I’d gently wedge the youngster into my mouth and take him/her to my backyard for an afternoon of pitch-and-catch.

Speaking of kibble, sometimes you just get so exhausted from building friendships that you fall asleep face first in a plastic sandwich bag of tasty bits.

Eventually a lack of oxygen jolts your central nervous system into action, and once again you are on the lookout for threats.

That’s a big dog!

Smaller dogs are more my speed.

And then, off in the distance, you notice a genuine threat.

I hear those crazy coyotes all the time … eagerly gorging themselves on an endless array of neighborhood rabbits. Don’t they realize that each time they eat a rabbit there is less rabbit poop to consume for pups like me?

So I’m not friends with coyotes, no way, no how. When I hear ’em off in the distance, I utter a loud bark that sounds something like “RIH” … just letting ’em know that the boss has an eye on them.

Look for too many coyotes and you wear out … again.

But eventually the alarm clock goes off, and it’s back to manning my post.

Did I mention that I when I’m not assessing threats I get to play cards with my dearest friends?

I know, I know, it’s a lot of work being me! But I have it good compared to those hard-working German pups.

That image is thanks to my Wisconsin friend Kate – and it makes logical sense when you stop and think about it.

Sunset is Chupacabra time. I like to make sure I have six-foot tall walls on all sides for added protection.

Sitting around the campfire, I fall asleep again – sleep provides an opportunity to use lucid dreaming to simulate my ongoing battle with real and perceived threats.

I dream about how I’d react if I saw THIS on my golf cart.

Yeesh! Those things make you want to crawl out of your skin. They’re not real, but in a world where you have to identify real and perceived threats, it doesn’t matter does it? A perceived threat represents and outstanding opportunity to increase what I like to call my “threat rep count” or “TRC”. Eventually I’ll respond to threats with muscle memory, seamlessly moving from one situation to another, vanquishing the opposition.

Then it’s on to a quick pickleball match.

Yes, I get it … you are supposed to paddle the ball back and forth on a regulation-sized court. But it’s more fun to BITE the ball, to try to crack it in half. The version of the game I prefer to play is great because you can’t lose – you are always aiming to set a personal best.

A life of friends, naps, and threats … it’s a real thrill ride! I anxiously await the next adventure, one right around the corner or up on the counter.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to simulate another series of threat-based reps via lucid dreams. The threats always end the same way – with me enjoying my many friends both here and far away.