Hello! It’s me!
There are threats.
- Real.
- Perceived.
- Rusted Metal.
- Chupacabra.
Last week I was visiting friends … Mom says “Is the cat in the house?” Friend says “yes”. I enter the back yard, and this cat (which I swear is actually a chupacabra, #amirite?) puts my head and neck in a vice grip unlike any I’ve ever experienced. As I began to pass out from asphyxiation, Dad kept trying to pull on my leash. This only served to accelerate the slow death I was experiencing.
When the cat/chupacabra finally relented and decided to partake in other activities, I screamed a bunch of obscenities, loudly if I may be so bold.
I was comforted by Mom.
I’m not a fan of the pseudo-chupacabra.
P.S.: Look at what the chupacabra did to our plants in the front yard.
Dash the Dachshund 
Wow! What kind of cat was that??? A MEGACAT??? A mechanical kind of cat–hmmm—with lots of rusted metal and wheels??? . Were you where you shouldn’t have been? Sad about the front yard–I guess not though if you like wood chips or pebbles. Me?? I love nice green trees.
Hang in there Dash. I am glad mom and dad are taking care of you. When are you leaving on a big RV trip??? Auntie Janet
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Dash…you just have not met the right cat yet! #amirite?? Cat’s would not be bothered with yard work…must have been another kind of varmint. Love to you and your folks…🌞
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Yo Dash,
Headlock eh? You sure this little puddy tat wasn’t the fabled Wendy in disguise? You might’ve just missed a great opportunity to make a friend for life.
Oh, as to the landscape caper, don’t perennial grasses get mowed down in the spring?
Better check with the Spanish landscaping fellows #amirite.
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oh Dash, I am so sorry. I hope this is the end of your bad luck this winter.
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The “cat” is sorry for attaching himself on to your head, but he just couldn’t help it. It was too tempting. He promises to be a better host next time!
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