Food … Please!

Hello! It’s me.

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A full fifteen weeks after having my “essence” removed (rendering me potentially useless to the fabled “Wendy”) and it is back to the grind. In my case, a dietary grind.

If Dad thinks he can withhold food, well, he has another thing coming. I’ll eat anything at this point.

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Yeah, look, there’s dog food right in front of me. And while I am starving to death, I don’t have to eat regular dog food. It’s not a requirement. For instance, that red plant looks pretty tasty to me.

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It’s depressing to have to eat red plants.

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This is what I’m trying to avoid.

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So I soldier on.

We went for a ride earlier today. As Dad left the bank, I made my request known.

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FEED ME SOMETHING!

Dad misinterpreted my request as “Do You Want To Go For A Walk??”

Fortunately, we walked past the grocery store … “SIR … SIR … COULD YOU UNBOX THE RAMEN NOODLES AND ADD BOILING HOT WATER AND LEAVE THE STEAMING PLASTIC CONTAINER ON THE FRONT SEAT OF MY CAR? YES?! K-THANKS, AND WHILE YOU ARE AT IT PLEASE REMOVE THE SEAHAWKS APPAREL BECAUSE I AM A PACKERS FAN K-DUDE?”.

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That didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. Maybe it was the Seahawks comment.

On to bigger and better things. I tried to gnaw on a painted wall.

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Here’s the thing about painted walls. They lack flavor. I’m thinking you baste the wall in Buffalo Wing sauce, heat it to about 350 degrees, and serve the wall with an ice cold Rainier Beer and a Bloomin’ Onion, amirite?

On two occasions, Dad had to pry a half-eaten burrito out of my mouth – somebody missed the garbage can, so why can’t their error fill my empty tummy?

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Here’s another example of what happens when your tummy remains empty for an extended period of time.

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That guy’s so hungry that he’s got straw sticking out of his underwear.

My trip through town ends with a random sampling of acorns.

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Remember when I was young, cute, still a Man? I required a steady diet of string cheese and diced ham. And Dad obliged. Now I’m like an elderly Man cracking open Brazil Nuts at a Christmas Party.

5 thoughts on “Food … Please!

  1. Hang in there little bro, you can do it. Granny Mitzi went to be with Aunt Lilly at the bridge last night so we have loads of diet kibble if you want some, but probably not. I actually like it. It’s got a hearty nutty flavor.

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  2. Tell your daddy to feed you green beans; fills your tummy and very little calories. Add beans to your meal and it will fill you right up and you won’t feel like you are dieting. This is an old show dog trick.

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  3. Food fixation, that’s the problem. Unfortunately, I know it well. And, you’re right, a walk is no substitute, although I’m about to try it yet again. When you find a solution, please let me know!

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  4. Hey Tori! I remember feeling the handsome Dashes ribs and thinking he was carrying some extra weight that was not good for his back, always a problem for those dear dachshund friends. I’m glad you are taking care of that, even tho I’m sure he let’s you know his opinions on the matter! And I’m sure he is giving you the doggie stink eye. I hope he adjusts soon! Telling him that he will avoid back problems in the future probably doesn’t impress him right now. I know just how he feels. Hang in there! Nancy

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  5. Yo Dash,

    Kinda funny how you’re recently obsessed with “nuts” if you get our drift.

    By the way, was that skeleton looking thing perhaps a “Day Of The Dead” CHUPERCABRA?

    Gotta be careful ya know ’cause Halloween is is coming and there’ll soon be lots o’ skeletons lurking about. Burrrrr.

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