Hello. It’s me.

It’s August 3 … the dog days of summer, as some call it. I call it “boredom”.

There’s really nothing to do. Here’s my daily diary for August 2.

4:17am: I pace around the bed. Light begins to fill the sky, about an hour later than two months ago. Is this a trend? What do I do if this is a trend? Should I tell Dad about it? No. He’s sleeping. I’ll sleep some more.

8:06am: Dad wakes up, and offers to take me off the bed. I refuse. If I wanted to get up, I’d have gotten up at 4:17am. I’d prefer to sleep some more.

8:08am: Dad. DAD!! Get me off of this bed! Why hast thou forsaken me?

8:11am: I ring the bell next to the front door. Dad opens the door. Dad tells me to go potty. I don’t want to go potty. I go back in the house.

8:13am: Maybe I would like to go potty. I ring the bell.

9:07am: A threat appears at the top of the stairs. I notify the neighborhood.

10:44am: Where are the toys? Why aren’t there any new toys?

10:46am: A Presidential Candidate endures a noteworthy gaffe.

10:48am: After ringing the bell once again, I play with the first object I find.

1:36pm: Dad takes me to town. Rusted metals abound. Threats are frightening, my friends.

1:52pm: Wendy? Wendy?

2:04pm: A Presidential Candidate endures a noteworthy gaffe.

2:06pm: Met an inanimate friend.

2:09pm: Does anybody care about me? Anybody?

2:14pm: Oh, they’re all inside. At the post office. Folks must be studying zip codes. It’s gotta be more fun than what I’m doing.

3:09pm: A Presidential Candidate endures a noteworthy gaffe.

3:23pm: Nap time.

4:07pm: Wake up.

4:11pm: Nap time.

4:18pm: A Presidential Candidate endures a noteworthy gaffe.

4:26pm: Wake up.

4:27pm Nap time.

5:04pm: Wake up.

5:06pm: Pace around Dad’s office.

5:09pm: Nap time.

5:26pm: Potty please.

5:59pm: A Presidential Candidate endures a noteworthy gaffe.

6:02pm: Mom, I’m trapped.

6:03pm: My treasure hunt leads me to the prize:

7:33pm: Sitting on the back deck, I notice a budding thunderhead off in the distance.

8:16pm: String cheese for dinner. Yum!

9:33pm: More sleeping.

10:29pm: Lots of sleeping.

10:47pm: A Presidential Candidate endures a noteworthy gaffe.

12:03am: Potty time.

12:06am: Bed time.

That’s the 411, folks. The anatomy of a day. A dog day … of summer, no less. Sure hope we don’t run into a Sharknado tomorrow … now that would be a threat!