Hello! It’s me.

Let’s just say I was unable to catch the fly on the window.

You’ve probably heard about Pokemon Go, right? It’s the game that folks are playing where they are trying to find and capture Zubats, Pidgeys and Rattatas on their phones via augmented reality.

Lemme tell you something. Every day is like augmented reality in my world. I’m constantly assessing threats, praying not to run across the fabled chupacabra, or looking with a soft heart for my beloved Wendy.

I like to keep my own score.

• Each Perceived Threat = 10 Points.
• Each Human Who Pats My Head = 50 Points.
• Each Canine Interaction = 100 Points.
• Each Threat Correctly Identified = 200 Points.
• Each Time I Get To Eat Human Food = 250 Points.
• Each Interaction With A Service Dog = 500 Points.
• Face To Face Meeting With A Chupacabra = Game Over, Lose.
• Face To Face Meeting With Wendy = Game Over, Win.

Today, it was all about setting a Personal Best score. I approached my job with unfettered dedication (visit the website if you cannot see the video).

I earned a quick 200 points when I identified this threat as “Rusted Metal”.

It doesn’t always go like clockwork, however. This is a perceived threat, in a street no less.

Pylons, it turns out, are a perceived threat.

I simply marked this threat as “assessed”.

After tallying a bunch of ten pointers, I began to hit the jackpot. Although, to be fair, this beefy pup told me that I was coming in hot.

But that was a hundred points, and I don’t apologize for racking up big point totals.

There were plenty of fifty point opportunities as well.

But I was looking for a big point total. The process is exhausting.

But just when it looked like I was going home with a paltry 750 points, give or take, I sensed a huge opportunity.

I make my move!

And then … YAHTZEE!!!

That’s a five hundred point service dog, my friends. My personal best (1,150 points) was now within reach. All I had to do was convince Pops to toss me a tenderloin tip, and I was home free!

By 1:43pm in the afternoon, I tallied a new Personal Best … 1,300 Points!!!

This is where you offer me enthusiastic applause.

Thank you!

Did I find a chupacabra? No.

Did I find my beloved Wendy? Not even close.

But I can rest comfortably, knowing I had my best day ever.