Hello. It’s me!
As you may already know, I am a finicky eater.
- I will not eat out of a bowl.
- I will not eat dog food #pedestrian.
- I only eat a tiny fraction of any dog treat, if I choose to eat it at all.
- In instances where I am starving, I make Dad’s life miserable instead of actually eating dog food out of a bowl.
- String Cheese is the go-to-choice, but I’m growing sick of that, too.
So for lunch, Dad decided to implement a test. What would I eat?
Would I eat SPAM (a registered trademark of the Spam Corporation, Austin, MN)?
Would I eat sunny-side up organic cage-free farm-fresh eggs?
Would I eat neither?
Would I eat both?
I know, the drama is killing you. And for those of you who are a slight bit lemonheaded and think that you’d just starve me and force me to eat my dog food out of a bowl, lemme tell you, I’d make your life miserable. Each of the past two mornings, Dad tried to do just that … and as a courteous way of thanking him, I threw up yellow/foamy bile on his new living room rug. I had body shakes prior to throwing up. Seriously. That’s how I get when I am starving to death and food is available and I refuse to eat it. This morning, body shakes once again. I was preparing to vomit all over the place for the third consecutive day when Dad got me to eat some ham. Then things were fine. Of course, you’re saying to yourself, “Well, Dash, you are a manipulative little critter, aren’t you?” I don’t view this as manipulation. I view this as adaptation. Both sides gently adapting to each other.
Where was I?
Oh, the quiz question.
I elected to eat THE EGGS!! I refused the SPAM (a registered trademark of the Spam Corporation, Austin, MN) after sampling a morsel or two. #notrealmeat
But the eggs!
#mmmmmmgoood
Dash the Dachshund 
Dash – you are brilliant! The Spam should not be consumed – it is hideous! Good choice with the eggs!
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“Both sides gently adapting to each other.” Clever dog… Agree with you and Netty about spam. It barely qualifies as an emergency ration.
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Dash you bad boy. That’s not how you were raised with your puppy pack before you left Cedarcroft Pond. Your brother Ruger agrees with your choice on the spam BTW and suggests that you go back to your kibble with some salt free, low fat beef broth poured on top (one of granny Mitzi’s favorites). You don’t want to lose your boyish figure or Wendy will never come around.
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Ok, TC says…..you need to stay at my house. Besides dog food flavored with lamb bits, I eat everything and particularly you should try fruits and veggies. I think fruits and veggies would be my preferred choice if my parents let me. Wait though……just don’t try and give me banana even plantain chips, yuk…..I spit them out fast! I bet I would like some of that Spam…..Ummm, know there is some in our emergency supply. Dash you better eat your veggies…….
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Hmmm! Well dogs don’t just spoil themselves. Their owners are at fault. Shame!!! You are a master at manipulation–way to go. But really–throwing up on the new rug.
Trish Lehman ( quilter) went to the Spam factory on her vacation several years ago ( she also went to the Hershey Chocolate factory) She said Spam is actually made with meat and tastes great. She made an appetizer for a Christmas party for the quilters and didn’t tell us it was Spam. We ate it up.No–we didn’t know it was Spam. She even bought a Spam cookbook!!!Yikes! We are all nervous when she makes something for a potluck.
Give your parents a break–eat what they put in front of you–it will totally confuse them. Keep them thinking and wondering. Auntie Janet
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