Hello. It’s me.

Oh, I’m fed up. Fed. Up.

Have you ever been placed on the floor of a recreational vehicle for ten straight hours? I mean, I got so sick of riding that I decided to take the wheel.

But the clown with the mysterious hosiery and Pop Tart crumbs littering the floor demanded access to the gas pedal.

And so we drove. On and on and on.

I mean, sure, it’s neat that it is 41 degrees at 6,393 of elevation outside of Butte, but that only solves thirty seconds of a ten hour travel puzzle, amirite?

At lunch, Dad showed me the Tesla charging stations. As if this is some sort of tourist attraction.

Across Montana and Idaho we thundered …

It was when we got knee-deep into Washington State that I nearly lost my mind. Dad decided that we should stop so I could tinkle. Did he choose Mt. Rainier? Olympic National Park? The Space Needle? Nope. He chose scrub land near Moses Lake. And I made it very, very clear that I was not tolerant of this fake tourist attraction. I was outta here!

Then Mom said something about rattlesnakes, and I decided it was safer in the rig.

Inside the rig, I became downright belligerent. Mom tried to pass the time (visit the website if you cannot see the video via email) by making me fetch toys in a vehicle moving at 76 miles per hour.

Yes, that’s what I’ve been reduced to … playing fetch in a vehicle moving at 76 miles per hour.

And then you have Dad complaining about some rattle in the back of the rig. On and on and on. You should see the faces he makes. My goodness. Exhausting.

We finally staggered into Ellensburg, Washington. Mom and I shared a twist cone, Dad forgot about the metallic squinking rattle after enjoying a malted milkshake. The tedium of a 576 mile trek featuring countless ups and downs wiped me out.

Dad says that today is the “penultimate day” in our trip. Whatever that means. I just hope that this is the next-to-last day of cannonballing across America. I’m ready to be home. I mean, we used to have fun on this trip. Stuff like this, remember?

I’d do just about anything to sit in a simulated wood chipper instead of bouncing along a 2,100 mile route home. Mom keeps telling me that we’ll be home tomorrow. I sure hope so. Vacations are fun when you don’t perceive a Tesla charging station to be a tourist attraction.